


The Law of Conservation of Momentum

by medusa20



Category: The Big Bang Theory
Genre: Gen, Summer road trip, group dynamic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-10
Updated: 2012-06-29
Packaged: 2017-11-08 19:52:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/medusa20/pseuds/medusa20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Fab Five go on a well-deserved summer road trip. There is some Shenny if you read with one eye closed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The Law of conservation of momentum
> 
> The total momentum of a group of interacting objects remains constant in the absence of external forces

**Summer days driftin' away, to uh-oh those summer nights**

_Grease_

**Thursday**

Leonard was concerned when he received a message that Dr. Gabelhauser wanted to see him. His concern quickly turned to elation and he rushed to the cafeteria.

"Guess what." he announced to his friends.

"You finally realized your work is hopelessly derivative and are turning all you research money over to me." Sheldon put forth.

Leonard looked at him. "I'm so glad you said that as it is the perfect segue to my news. Dr. Gabelhauser was so impressed with my latest findings that he wanted to reward me. Since there is no money for additional grants and he knows I've been working long hours, he offered me the use of his beach house in Malibu this weekend." Leonard crowed.

"Malibu!" Howard shrieked. "Sun, surf, ladies in need of thorough sun-block application."

"Dude, you forgot surfing." Raj said.

"The only surfing I'll be doing this weekend is on the Internet." Sheldon sniffed.

"C'mon, Sheldon." Leonard prodded. 'Break out of the box.. Try something different."

"Leonard," Sheldon began in his once-again-I-must instruct -the- masses tone.

"I don't want to hear it." Leonard put up a hand. "The three of us are going which means there will be no one to cater to your whims for a full seventy-two hours. No comic book store. No Pad Thai. No movies at the Multiplex. Just you. All alone in our apartment and they never did catch the thieves who broke into it." Sheldon's upper lip twitched and he gripped his silverware.

"Fine. I'll come." He spat , sawing viciously into his meatloaf.

Despite Sheldon's vehement objections, Leonard took Euclid Avenue home. He went at a speed bump a little too enthusiastically, causing his car to be temporarily airborne.

"Ye gods and little fishes!" Sheldon twanged when the car slammed back onto the ground. There was a loud crack, the car crawled forward then stopped.

"What's the matter?" Sheldon asked.

"Sounds like something broke." Leonard replied. He got out and peered at the undercarriage. Fluid was gushing out.

"Leonard, I don't believe a car is supposed to hemorrhage."

"Leonard groaned and dialed Triple A.

**XXXX**

"Why did you take Euclid Avenue again?" Penny asked as she and Leonard walked up the stairs with Sheldon in tow.

"He thinks he's cock of the walk because Gabelhauser offered him his beach house." Sheldon piped up. "Given there is no female for him to assert his manliness with, he decide to take on the speed bumps and lost." Penny looked at Leonard who shrugged , muttering "Something like that."

They entered 4A. "But we can't go now; I have no car and this was the only weekend available."

"I'll drive." Penny smiled. "I have a whole weekend off because I worked double shifts all week and I've always wanted to go to Malibu."


	2. Chapter 2

**And I remember every moment of those endless summer nights**

_Endless Summer Nights- Richard Marx_

**Friday.**

They eventually got on the road after a ten minute argument over which scientist got to ride up front. Sheldon prevailed by simply sticking out one long leg and pointing out the length of the drive. Penny had one condition to his riding shotgun.

"If you so much as _look_ at the Check Engine light, I will hogtie you and toss you in the trunk with the ret of the luggage." Surprisingly, her threat worked.

They drove out of Pasadena; traffic was moderate for the time of day. Before long, Sheldon began to cast about for something to do. "Let's play a driving game." His suggestion was met with groans.

"This is why you can't drive." Howard said. "You can't pay attention to the road long enough."

"I have phenomenal powers of concentration." Sheldon snapped. "I was able to concentrate long enough to write both a master's thesis and a doctoral dissertation unlike some people in this car."

"Hey!" Penny barked. "Don't make me come back there." Sheldon gave Howard a smug grin; Howard gave Sheldon the finger.

"Sheldon, why don't you start the game." Leonard said before the argument escalated.

"Alrighty. I'll say the name of an element then the next person will say one which begins with the letter with which the previous element ended. Penny, you'll go last since you'll need the most time to think of an answer."

"There's still plenty of room in that trunk, Sheldon.' She growled.

"I'll start with an easy one." The physicist said. "Fluorine."

"Erbium." Leonard replied.

Howard sighed then said, "Molybdenum" There was silence.

"Raj?" Sheldon prompted.

Silence.

"Raj?" he turned as Raj finished whispering to Howard.

"Mendelevium." Howard translated. Penny's hands gripped the wheel. They weren't holding back. She swallowed, trying to recall the shower curtain in Leonard's apartment.

"Penny, do you want some help?" Leonard offered.

"No!" She cried as her cheeks began to burn.

"Are you forfeiting your turn?" Sheldon asked innocently though his eyes held a nasty glint. Penny adjusted her hold on the steering wheel once more. Forfeit to Sheldon? Never.

"Manganese!" She finally yelled, bouncing the glint right back to the man on her right. Sheldon gave her a slight nod. "Well Done. Europium."

Penny grinned and the game went on.

**XXXX**

Penny stopped to get milk since Sheldon had packed a box of basic non-perishable provisions (at least, that's what the label read)

"You know Leonard, " Sheldon was leaning against Penny's car as they waited for the other three to come out of the store. "It occurs to me that we have no idea of the capacity of Dr. Gabelhauser's beach house."

"Sheldon, he's the head of an entire university department. I would have to say that the house is a good size." Leonard removed two of his three sweat jackets.

"But you don't know that." Sheldon had pushed his sleeves up to his elbows in concession with the heat. They both caught sight of Howard exiting the store covering his eye.

"What happened?" leonard asked.

"He was in the produce section and complimented a woman's melons." Raj explained.

"There was a time when a man could compliment a woman's selection of produce with impunity." Howard lamented.

"I think she would have taken your compliment at face value had you actually been looking at the contents of her shopping cart." Raj pointed out.

**XXXX**

Sheldon's fears were well-founded. Penny went up the long drive fully expecting to see a sprawling weathered house with a wrap-around porch. Instead, their eyes were greeted by an average sized house whose only saving grace was the five-minute walk to the beach.

"Oh Leonard," Sheldon wailed. "he who leaves the old road for the new knows not what he'll find."

"Maybe it's bigger inside. Let's go see." Penny exited the car.

"She really has no concept of the physical laws of science." Sheldon muttered.

Inside wasn't much better especially since there was only a master suite with a queen sized bed, a guest room with a double bed and a sectional sofa. The five of them stared, perplexed.

"I've seen enough. Let's go." Sheldon made for the door.

"Why?" The others chorused.

"Clearly there are inadequate sleeping quarters. There are five of us and only two bedrooms." He twitched.

They were all tired- traffic, constant pit stops for Raj and Sheldon's incessant driving games had taken their toll. Penny simply wanted to go to bed.

"It's simple. Penny will get the master. Raj and I will take the double and you and Leonard can take the couch." Howard sorted them out.

"In what universe is that an acceptable solution?" Sheldon crossed his arms.

"Sheldon, please! We are all exhausted." Penny begged. "We'll work out a better solution tomorrow."

"I can't sleep with anyone." Sheldon declared.

"Fine. Leonard will sleep with me." Penny answered.

"Really?" Leonard had a huge smile on his face which faded when Penny glared at him. Sheldon took in the clear exhaustion on her face.

"Very well." he agreed and pulled his pillow out of his bag.

They should have known it wouldn't be that easy.

**XXXX**

"HMMM!"

Howard jerked.

"HMMM!"

He opened his eyes. There was a thump and another, "HMMM!"

Raj was sleeping with his back to him so the noise wasn't from him. Could it be Leonard and Penny? Howard gave an oily chuckle.

"Raj!" He shook his friend awake.

"Dude, what are you doing?"

"Do you hear that?"

"HMMM!"

Raj nodded. "Is it some animal?"

"Could be but I think it's Leonard and Penny." Howard waggled his eyebrows.

"No. They're upstairs and Penny made it very clear there was to be no funny business. That noise is close by. It sounds like Sheldon."

"I don't even want to know what he's doing that would cause him to make a noise like that." Howard waved his hand.

Raj got up and walked into the living room. He found Sheldon staring at the ceiling.

"I can't sleep" The physicist bleated.

"Did you try counting Catwomen?" Raj suggested. Sheldon nodded.

"How about meditating?"

"How is that different from counting Catwomen?" Sheldon demanded as Howard joined them.

"Sheldon can't sleep." Raj explained.

"Do you want some warm milk?" Howard yawned.

"No the way you make it." Sheldon said. "Let's stay up and talk."

Raj and Howard exchanged identical looks of horror. Leonard came down the stairs.

"Keep your voices down." he hissed.

"Sheldon can't sleep." Howard informed him.

"Just smother him with a pillow." Leonard ordered. Sheldon sat up in indignation.

"I don't see how violence is the answer."

"Fine, Sheldon, what do you want us to do?" Leonard stood by the couch.

"Sing 'Soft Kitty'"

"'Soft Kitty' is for when you are sick, " Leonard gritted his teeth. "You're not sick."

Sheldon looked at his three friends. "You know, as I lay here, I had a fascinating insight into decaying string mass."

"Soft kitty, Warm Kitty.." They began tunelessly.

Penny rolled over. Something was dying outside. The moaning increased and she bolted up. Leonard's side was empty and the sound was coming from down stairs. She padded down to find Raj, Howard and Leonard facing Sheldon who was reclining on the couch.

"Sheldon , it's 4AM and we've sung it six times. It's not working." Leonard snarled.

"I'm going to bed." Howard announced.

"What's wrong?" Penny came in the room.

"Sheldon can't sleep which means _no one_ can sleep." Leonard fumed.

Penny walked over to the couch. She sat on the armrest near Sheldon's head.

"Do you want me to sing 'Soft Kitty'?" Sheldon nodded, big-eyed and pitiful.

"We've been singing that to him for hours." Howard cried. Penny ignored them as she began crooning. Within minutes, Sheldon had closed his eyes. She smoothed his hair back and rose from the couch.

"See how it's done, Leonard." Penny sauntered up the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hot town, summer in the city/But at night it's a different world, go out and find a girl**

_Summer in the city- Lovin Spoonful_

**Friday Night**

Once again, at bedtime, there was a heated discussion

"I refuse to spend another night on that couch." Sheldon declared. "I've had a pain in my neck all day."

"So have I" muttered Howard causing Raj to snicker.

"What do you propose?" Leonard asked.

"Raj and Howard are both small enough to each take a part of the sectional. You obviously behaved yourself last night so you can stay with Penny again and I will get the guest room." There really was no reason to keep arguing. Sheldon's suggestions were reasonable.

Leonard and Penny took turns in the master bath. Leonard reflected on their day at the beach. He and Penny had gone for a walk and split some chili cheese fries. They lay on a blanket side by side- he reading _Physics Monthly_ and she her endless _Cosmo_ magazines. It was the most comfortable they had been together since the breakup. Perhaps Penny was sending him a subtle message? They climbed into bed.

"G'night, Leonard." Penny rolled onto her side.

"Penny?"

"Yes."

"remember when you came to my apartment and we had sex?"

"I was drunk, Leonard." Her voice had a steel edge.

"I know. I know. So think how much more _enjoyable_ the experience would be now that you are sober."

Raj was getting poked. Why wouldn't anyone let him sleep? He opened a dark eye. Leonard and Penny were standing there.

"We have to switch." Leonard said.

"Tell him why." Penny growled.

"I acted "like a pig," Leonard put up air quotes. "So now I have to be punished."

All Raj wanted to do was sleep so he silently rose and followed Penny to the master suite. He got into bed while Penny stopped in the bathroom. The bed was certainly more comfortable than the couch. Raj felt himself drifting off again.

Then Penny got into the bed.

She began snoring but that wasn't what was keeping Raj awake. He was in bed. With Penny. Penny to whom he could do no more than squeak. Penny who pranced around in Hello Kitty shorts and tops that looked more like lingerie than clothing. Raj's eyes flew open and he gripped the covers to his chin. Now he had to pee. He dashed to the bathroom.

Panic attack under control, he climbed back into bed again. Penny had one arm over her head, her lips open with a gentle snore. Raj ran to the bathroom again. After five more trips, he went to get Howard.

**XXXX**

Howard couldn't believe his luck. Penny was there, mewling in her sleep. He climbed in then began a gradual inching toward her. Their legs touched and Howard shivered. Penny flipped onto her back and Howard curled onto his side. She smelled like sunflowers and coconut. He leaned in to take a deeper sniff.

In Penny's dream, a hand spans her waist and a long finger traces a curve as if branding her. The hand is timid, barely moving upward. She feels his nose press beneath her ear as he takes in her fragrance. A smile crosses her face- if he only knew how many times she had caught him smelling her.

A leg gets thrown over hers and that is when this dream goes horribly wrong. Penny shouldn't be able to feel his foot with her foot unless his leg is bent which it isn't. This leg is _significantly_ shorter. When Penny opened her eyes, she was looking into an eye the completely wrong shade of blue and puckered lips. She let out a blood-curdling scream and drew back her fist.

Raj, Leonard and Sheldon ran up the stairs. Howard lay on the floor with blood streaming out of his nose. Penny was still screaming and running in place on the bed. Each movement of her legs caused her Cornhusker shirt to flip up revealing the Superman logo on her panties.

"What happened?" Leonard ran to Howard while Sheldon tried to calm a hysterical Penny.

"Oh God, I killed him. I killed Howard Wolowitz." She babbled grabbing Sheldon's upper arm so tightly he winced.

"Penny, Penny, he's alive just knocked out." Leonard called.

"He's not dead?" She was panting.

"No, but he does appear to have sustained a significant nasal fracture." Sheldon replied.

Penny brushed her hair from her face and swiped at her neck where Howard had been sniffing. Revulsion shuddered through her.

"Good." She heaved. "'Cause now, I'm going to kill him." Penny lunged for Howard but Sheldon caught her, holding her to him as her legs flailed.

"Do you think he needs the emergency room?" Raj said through Leonard.

"Heavens , no." Sheldon scoffed from behind rabid wolverine Penny. "I can fix that."

"You can fix it? How?" Leonard was stunned.

Sheldon murmured something to Penny. She stopped struggling and he put her down. The scientist approached Howard who still hadn't moved though it was clear he was listening.

"When you have an older brother whose past time is street corner pugilism and you lack health insurance, fixing a broken nose becomes child's play. Raj, hold his head."

Raj positioned Howard's head between his knees. Sheldon knelt down beside him and flexed his long fingers.

"Howard, " He leaned over looking for all the world like a striking praying mantis. "I promise you won't like this one bit."

The silence of the night was cut by a crack and Howard's yowl of pain.


	4. Chapter 4

" **Roll out those hazy, lazy, crazy days of summer"**

**Saturday**

The next morning dawned milky with little hope for a beach day. When Penny entered the kitchen, the four men shifted nervously. Howard was wearing avaiator sunglasses to hide his black eyes.

"Okay, here's the deal, " Penny said. "Clean slate. There will be no talk of lat night. At all" Sheldon closed his mouth at her directive. "Now, let's go to the boardwalk and have some fun on our last day here."

They walked toward the tinny music, frying oil and popcorn. Sheldon instantly disappeared into the video arcade and no amount of coaxing from Leonard or pleading from Penny could lure him out. Howard found a bench and began calling out to all the Future Mrs. Wolowitzs strolling past. Penny felt a tug on her arm; Raj was standing there pointing at the Ferris Wheel. She beamed at him and made a silent promise that she would do one activity with each scientist today. Even Howard.

She and Raj sat in comfortable silence. They waved to Leonard with each revolution of the wheel. When the ride ended, Raj escorted her to Leonard then gave a bow before disappearing in the crowd.

Leonard decided he wanted to do roller coasters with Penny.

"They're kind of symbolic of us, don't you think?" He squinted through his glasses. Penny stuffed a wad of cotton candy in his mouth as an answer.

After a sickening lunch of hot dogs, bad nachos and even worse sno-cones, Penny set off to find Howard. He was trying to ring a bell on a vertical column by swinging a hammer. Unfortunately, the hammer weighed more than he did.

"Howard, come on." Penny called to him. He swaggered over to her.

"Care to ride the Tunnel of Love with me?" She tried to get angry but his black eyes made him look like a horny raccoon and she had to laugh.

"I have a better idea." Penny dragged him over to the bumper cars. Leonard and Raj were there since she still didn't trust him but this was the closest to bumping her he was going to get. In the end, the three of them turned on her, boxing her into a corner as she laughed for mercy.

Penny found Sheldon wandering the boardwalk, chewing on a Red Vine.

"I'm ready to leave." He announced. Penny shook her head and motioned for him to follow her. His eyes widened when he saw where she brought him.

"I don't think this is a promising endeavor." Sheldon stepped back.

"What's wrong Superman? Afraid of a challenge?" She batted he eyes. Sheldon's cheek twitched and he plunked down the money for both of them.

The two of them braced the butts of the air rifles against their shoulders and placed their weight on their back right legs in perfect identical poses before blasting away. Penny felt the same elation go through her- it was just like when she and Sheldon were partners at HALO. Sheldon was good with plasma grenades but he was untouchable in a shooting gallery. After several rounds, he won her a giant panda. Penny presented him with a mid-size stuffed Batman.

XXXX

They settled down early that night in order to be up before traffic got heavy on Sunday. Sheldon drank his herbal tea and headed off to the guest room. Raj and Howard nestled onto the couch and Penny gave Leonard clearance to join her.

The problem was every time Leonard moved, she would jump or flinch. By midnight, he'd been asleep for two hours and Penny had nary a wink of sleep. She blew the air out of her lungs. She didn't want to disturb Raj or Howard. Leonard rolled over and threw an arm across her stomach. Penny wriggled out from under him and headed downstairs.

When she opened the guest room door, Sheldon was in full mummy position.

"Sheldon!" She whispered. He jumped up but she was ready and clamped her hand over his mouth. His eyes were wide and startled.

"I can't sleep." Penny explained. "I'm just too freaked out. Can I stay with you?" Sheldon mumbled under her hand.

"I know people can't be in your bedroom but I helped you sleep on Thursday."

Sheldon blinked his eyes in acquiescence. Penny dropped her hand and jumped into the bed assuming an identical vampire stance as Sheldon. He made sure there was at least six inches between them before going back to sleep.

XXXX

Sheldon woke at 5 AM. He looked down to find Penny snuggled into his chest and his right arm curled around her.

"Penny." He smiled before closing his eyes again. She mumbled what was probably the word 'sleepy'. Or, it could have been 'Shelly'.

XXXX

"He's not up yet?" Leonard looked at the clock; it was past 8. Howard shook his head.

"I haven't seen him."

"Did Penny go to buy breakfast or something?" Raj asked. The other two shrugged. From the kitchen table, they had a direct view to the guest room door.. The knob turned and the door opened. Penny walked out in her t-shirt followed by Sheldon who was swaddled in plaid. She stretched languidly.

"Last night was just what I needed.' She told Sheldon.

"I'm glad you found it beneficial." Sheldon inclined his head. "Shall I make your coffee while you shower?" Penny nodded and skipped up the stairs.

Sheldon entered the kitchen and proceeded to make coffee, pointedly ignoring the open-mouthed stares of his companions.

"Dude?" Raj squeaked.

"What the frak?" Howard finally managed. Leonard crossed his arms and pushed up his glasses.

"Sheldon, you want to catch us up here?"

Sheldon poured the coffee into a mug, adjusted the proportion of milk and managed a third of a teaspoon of sugar. He stirred the coffee and tapped the spoon delicately on the rim.

"Actually, Leonard, I don't." He covered the mug with a saucer to keep it warm and headed back to his room still feeling the warmth behind his knee where Penny had twined her leg with his in her sleep.

The End


End file.
